18

It seems kinda fitting that I spent the afternoon tearing linoleum and paper off the floor in our master bath. Today is 18 months that we have lived without Larry.  And while I would like to say the whole "linoleum removal" thing is a metaphor for how life is going right now...You know...peeling back layers, looking underneath to see what's there, making something beautiful out of something torn...

...I can't.

Because really, it's more simple than that. It's fitting I did this today because I just know KNOW that if my father-in-law were here today, he totally would have been working in there with me. Cause, he LOVED stuff like this. And, he generally had Friday's off. :-)

But really, because above all else, if anyone needed anything, he was the first one in line to help.

So, today marks 18 months. 18 months of living a new life that our family never even imagined we would have to live so soon. 18 months of family dinners, family vacations, and of making family memories without someone so important- so vital- to THIS family.

We see the signs that Larry is still near...the cardinals, the "All the People Said Amen" songs (coincidence this came on today?), and even in the sweet words of the children.

Oh, the children. Brooklyn and Jake still don't know what to make of it. Jake still looks at me sometimes like, "Ok, for real now, Mom. WHEN is he coming back?" And sweet Claire, who has very few memories of her own, but deep in her precious soul knows how much her Pops loved her.

This tragedy did not need to bring our family closer together. We were a very strong family already that loved each other and supported each other more than the average. But this did make us a deliberate family. A family that carves out that time for each other. A family that doesn't waste a second to hug or tell one another how we feel. A family that will keep on living and loving for another 18 months and 36 months and 500 months and more.

But there are days that I am selfish. Days where I look at this picture below and think, "THIS. This was good. This was even what I would say was PERFECT." I remember at that very moment taking this picture thinking how lucky I was. How lucky my children were. And how I KNEW I would never take moments like that for granted.

And I also have days where I look at this picture. And I think, "I am never going to waste an opportunity to post this on the internets because I love it so much."

Because, really, what's not to love about this picture?

So, it's 18 months. Such a short time, yet also such eternity. But love continues to hold us together as it always has and always will.

Especially through these days when we find ourselves on our knees.